I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
