You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
