dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
