there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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