...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
