wakey wakey hands off snakey
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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