i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The air was thick with penises
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
