i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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