i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
