what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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