I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
