yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
