Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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