dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
