Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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