Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
