Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
