I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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