Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
