they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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