Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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