I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
try to milk me bitch
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
