Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
