We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
