I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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