i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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