I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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