your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My Sexting was not on an AP level
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
