i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
