: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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