I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
