its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
