The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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