I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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