he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
