even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And then my night got REAL pukey
They are going to name an STD after you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
