I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
