sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
