good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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