you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
