Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
