Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
