It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
