apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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