if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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