Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
