youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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