Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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