so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have aggressive nipples.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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