I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
