I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
