I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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