I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
